You see, I used to give myself away for free, over-give and overvalue the needs of others while undervaluing my worth and not taking for myself what I needed. Not allowing myself to live the life I desired. Sacrificing myself for the sake of others. Thinking I was doing it for them. Not realizing that all the while they were suffering too. I thought I was being noble and humble, a good servant. I thought I was being oh so spiritual.
What I actually was doing was limiting my living. Staying within the confines of my own wounding about not being good enough. I feared that if I stood up and actually charged what I was worth and took a stand in the marketplace as me, I would risk failing. Reinforcing the belief that I was not good enough. That I don’t have enough to offer. But if I played it safe, and played small, if I gave it all away, then nobody could complain, right?
That’s when I realized the people I gave myself away to didn’t value me. And they weren’t getting the same kind of results as the people who chose to INVEST in themselves. And then I resented them after willingly giving myself away because I would wear out my resources. Exhaustion, frustration and resentment would set in. I had to ask, why am I volunteering for this?!
That was my light bulb moment. My hard truth discovered in a darkest hour. It was time to take charge. It was time to turn this ship around. As much as selling everything, cutting people off and moving to a new place seemed like a good solution. I realized everything outside of my being was not the problem. My mindset was. There wasn’t a plane or rocket ship in the universe that could carry me away from myself. I didn’t need to abandon the ship or even change the water. I just needed to change course. Stop putting my resources of time, energy and money into the wrong direction.
I had to close my first healing and wellness center after turning it into the most expensive hobby I’ve ever had and running it, myself and my family’s finances into the ground. For a while I felt like a failure. But then I realized all the lessons I had learned. The experience I had gained. The value my experience could bring to others at similar crossroads.
So day by day I did the work. The introspective of my driving forces. Questioning my assumptions and actions. Comparing them to the goals I had set for myself and determining which ones did not align with the big picture or end game. At that point, decisions started to become easier. Letting go of self-sabotaging thought patterns and habits became a matter of fact rather than a dramatic, drawn out, over-thinking cycle.
Opening my mind to all the possibilities the universe has to offer, and putting my resources into developing myself to be able to realize my goals became a daily habit. Limiting the space available for fear and insecurity allowed more room for growth and possibilities. If this resonates with you, I wish you all the best on your journey. If you would like some help with the navigation, I have tools available for you.
The world is open to an endless stream of potential experiences; it’s up to you to navigate that raging torrent of possibilities and find your own destination.